Hermun's

Slow dance

Last week, I did some cleanings at the office. Well, it is better now but I still would not say that my cubicle is so clean and neat :-) While I'm going through some of Rival's stuffs, the previous inhabitant of the cubicle, I found a really nice poem, written by a dying little girl somewhere in New York. I was impressed by the clarity and the simplicity yet so meaningful of the writings. And what makes it so special is that I suddenly remember someone (taelah...). Someone whose pace I can't follow. Someone whom I should have told him simple words like: "Slow Down" instead, of words that pushed him away. Because indeed, it was about asking him to slow down and not rejecting him. But I guess, words are sharper than swords. Who knows, that my words were killing him? And like other unphysical wounds, it takes longer for that wounds to recover.... Anyway, hope he knows that I was so stupid and am really sorry, and wish that I could turn the time again and did said something different. Now am being melancholic :-)

Anyway, it's the fourth paragraph of the poem....

When you ran so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.
Hear the music.
Before the song is over..

I only wanted to tell you: "Please, slow down..." :-(

Love is An Art of Winning and Keeping

L-O-V-E. Love. Is there anyone in the world who does not know the word? Everyone are either addicted to love or looking for love or hating it but can't escape it. Love is a subject that dominates all TV programs, all magazines headlines and even a short stories competition in the leading female magazine in Indonesia. Take any women's magazine and you will find the word on the cover or the front page (I think the only word that can beat love is.. sex hehe).

What is love? How you define it? Yes, we start with the definition. A good analysis always starts with a critical analysis on the definition of specific term. That's what Karim thought me :-) Well, this is definitely not an analysis, but it's good to start with definition anyway. And this is the definition of love in wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love access on September 30th, 2007)

Love is a constellation of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness.^[1] The meaning of love varies relative to context. Romantic love is seen as an ineffable feeling of intense attraction shared in passionate or intimate attraction and intimate interpersonal and sexual relationships.^[2] Though often linked to personal relations, love is often given a broader signification, a love of humanity, of nature, with life itself, or a oneness with the Universe, a universal love or karma. Love can also be construed as Platonic love,^[3] religious love,^[4] familial love, and, more casually, great affection for anything considered strongly pleasurable, desirable, or preferred, to include activities and foods.^[5][2] This diverse range of meanings in the singular word love is often contrasted with the plurality of Greek words for love, reflecting the concept's depth, versatility, and complexity.

The scope of the article is limited to a relationship love, a heterosexual one to be spesific :-) When a man finds a woman so attractive and vise versa; when a best friends decide to re-new the terms of their friendship into a relationship; when you are corrupted by the feeling of wanting someone so badly for maybe illogical reasons. That's love in a different meanings.

A person usually have, what I call, the List. The list of expectations. The list could be so detail in listing down what kind of person you're looking for. Or on the contrary, the list can be so vague. You may feel that you don't have the list, but it's there. Deep down inside you. Whatever it is, we always have, even to a certain degree, the list. The list stimulates and motivates you. We interact with this list, we grow up and be matured with the list. Sometimes the interaction makes us to review and re-think of our list and re-new it. So the list could still be changed, sometimes.

Whatever your list is, the question in the first place is how to win a one's heart. You win his/her heart, and not only you will win his/her person but also his/her love.

At the end, it's how to win his/her love. And humans are so creative that we've been creating and developing billions of ways on how to win one's love, whether you use Shakespeare-style to a dangdut singer; whether you use the traditional way, letters and poems with the traditional things, music and flowers or the modern way by being so straightforward, expressive and sometimes in public. At the end (of stage one), love has been used and be able to transformed itself to an art of winning one's heart.

When I said winning, it means you always in a competition. A competition between you and she/he. And sometimes, a competition between you, she/he and other people. But the bottom is, you always in a competition. And like other competition, it has rules with tips and tricks. It has players who follow and break the rules. Fair and unfair play. Honest or cheating players. So be creative, but be aware because it is a competition you're facing with.

Once you win the game, you'll go to the next stage, a post-winning stage. A game of keeping.

(to be continued, hehee)

Efek Rumah Kaca: Nafas Baru Musik Indi Indonesia

Baru-baru ini, seorang teman di kantor akhirnya berhasil menelurkan album musiknya. Namanya cholil. Pekerjaan sehari-harinya adalah manajer keuangan LeIP (Lembaga Kajian dan Advokasi untuk Independensi Peradilan), sebuah NGO dalam garda terdepan untuk reformasi peradilan, merangkap bendahara koperasi Puri Imperium. 

Buat komunitas "puri", kehadiran CD Cholil ini sudah ditunggu-tunggu. Sudah rahasia umum kalau jiwa bapak satu ini di musik. Musik dan musik. Mengutip RGA (Rival Ghulam Ahmad-red), Cholil adalah salah satu dari kami, komunitas di Puri Imperium, yang tujuan hidupnya jelas. Sejelas ketika orang yang sedang diuji matanya secara gratisan di optik murahan akhirnya menemukan lensa yang tepat. Musik bagi cholil sudah mengakar kuat seperti Tenaga Dalam yang merupakan energi murni tenaga yang bersumber dari dalam tubuh kita, yang meski bisa diajarkan, dibagi dan ditularkan ke orang lain namun tidak dapat dirampas dan baru hilang manakala si pemiliknya mati. Orang seperti Cholil adalah tipe yang tidak setengah-setengah dan tidak bosan terhadap apa yang menjadi nafasnya: musik. Ia merupakan penikmat, pelaku sekaligus kreator musik.

Singkat kata singkat cerita, CD musik yang belum resmi di launching ini sudah beredar di pasar (setidaknya pasar dalam lingkup pertemanan, hehehe) dan bisa dinikmati dengan membeli CDnya seharga Rp. 35.000 melalui Cholil (0816 1915928) atau menikmatinya secara gratisan di internet (lihat di www.myspace.com/efekrumahkaca)

Nama grupnya, efek rumah kaca. Diambil dari salah satu lagu di CD itu. Personil bandnya: Cholil (gitar merangkap vokalis), Akbar (Drum & Back Vox) dan Adrian (Bass & Back Vox). Musiknya 100% indi. Kenapa dibilang 100%? Karena bukan cuma "indi" dari pengertian jenis musiknya tidak berada dalam jenis musik mainstream pasar, tapi juga dari segi pembuatan, distribusi dan penjualan.. juga "indi" atau independent. Artinya: tidak bergantung dan menggantungkan diri pada industrialisme musik yg berorientasi pasar. Mungkin tidak se"indi" cozy street corner yg menurut gue musiknya benar-benar keluar dari selera pasar pada umumnya (sorry, lil hehehe), tapi setidaknya --ini pendapat dari seorang penikmat musik amatiran yang hanya menjadikan kuping dan selera subyektifnya sebagai dasar penilaian :P-- musik dan juga liriknya Efek Rumah Kaca enak didengar, dinikmati dan diulang-ulang.

Album ini layak diacungi dua jempol. Tiap lagu seolah punya cerita, punya makna. Persis nasehat seorang Dionne Warwick pada Michael Jackson. Every song is a story. Tiap lagu dikemas dalam paduan antara musik yang asik dengan lirik yang singkat, padat, penuh makna yang disusun dalam rangkaian kosa kata bahasa Indonesia yang bervariasi. dan yang paling penting.. kritis.

Ya. Kritis. Cholil sebagai pencipta mayoritas lagu-lagu Efek Rumah Kaca mengkritik di segala bidang. Mengkritik segala sesuatu yang berada di jalur mainstream. Apapun itu.Mulai dari mengkritik industri musik dan bentukan selera pasar musik yang isinya habis mengeksplorasi cinta sebagai barang jualan andalan (coba dengar cinta melulu) hingga mengkritik para penguasa yang suka menghilangkan mereka-mereka yang suka "bernyanyi" seperti contoh kasus Munir (lihat lagu jalang dan di udara).

Namun, isi CD ini bukan melulu mengkritik. Efek Rumah Kaca juga menunjukan sisi kemanusiaan kita dan reaksi wajar seorang manusia biasa. Salah satu lagu yg buat saya menarik (sebenarnya, tak ada lagu di CD ini yang tidak menarik :D) adalah bukan lawan jenis. ERK bisa saja sekedar menceritakan fenomena gay dan lesbian atau sisi dalam mereka dalam melihat dan menghadapi dunia seperti layaknya buku-buku cerita yang bertebaran di toko buku saat ini. Tapi, ERK memilih untuk menceritakan sisi para laki-laki straight (atau S-8 bahasa gaynya :P) yang memiliki kekhawatiran yang terpendam... bahwa laki-laki gay itu suka padanya. Satu rasa yang saya rasa sangat manusiawi sekali. Satu rasa yang mungkin secara malu-malu diungkapkan di kehidupan biasa.. mungkin karena takut menyinggung perasaan para gay.

Selain itu, ERK juga menampilkan sisi-sisi reflektif dan melankolik secara bersamaan yang sangat... gue banget. Maksudnya, setiap orang bisa dipastikan menemukan dirinya dalam semua atau salah satu lagu ERK. Buat mereka yang reflektif dan religus, saya yakin mereka akan suka debu-debu beterbangan, sebuah lagu ERK yang bernuansa religius dengan tetap menampilkan gaya bermusiknya sendiri. Buat mereka yang melankolik, coba dengarkan lagu melankolia atau insomnia. Buat mereka yang reflektif dan easy going, coba dengar lagu hujan bulan desember. Dan terakhir, tentu saja "lagu cinta" andalan ERK, jatuh cinta itu biasa saja. ERK tidak saja mengkritik tapi juga mengdekonstruksi arti baru satu kata yang umumnya dimengerti semua orang.... cinta.

Begitu bagus-bagusnya semua lagu ERK, sampai-sampai saya bingung memilih yang terbaik atau mengurutkannya dalam urut kacang mulai dari yang paling bagus hingga paling jelek. Buat saya, semua punya keunikan sendiri-sendiri. Yang mungkin membedakan mereka bukan kualitas lagunya namun justru mood si pendengarnya. Saya sebagai penikmat lagu-lagu ERK mengucapkan selamat datang pada ERK, good job, guys! dan sudah tidak sabar menunggu gebrakan ERK berikutnya :-)

A Book of Stupidity

As a researcher, of course you have to publish something. It's part of the job. But usually we publish something which usually contain lots of analysis, theories, social contexts, data, comparative studies, bla bla bla bla. To put it simply, the boring stuffs :-)

If i were given the opportunity to write my own book (I wish!), I would have written a book of stupidity. Yup, it will be a documentation of all those stupid silly shit things that I did in life. A book that can make people laugh. A book that gives a different perspective and alternative on how to see the world, despite of what the world gives to me and to the people with their unique characters in it.

People have thoughts. Feelings. Emotions. And there are thousands of ways of expressing it. You always have choices. It's up to you whether you prefer to be drawned in your own misery or you just "get up, dust yourself and get back with the flow of the herds" (well, actually this is friedman's words on neoliberalism :P). I choose the funny way. The funny perspective of life. Funny. Thoughtful (dalem banget, kalo kata adith). A little bit of satire sometimes. That's the way I like it. I believe that you can always find a funny thing even from your shit-iest experience. Laughing at your own stupidity sometimes. Accepting that we are only just human.

It's amazing that people who are the victims of tsunami can find the funny thing about it. I went there in 2005. It was 4-5 months before tsunami. There are many people who are involved in the tsunami relief programs were also the victims. They lost their families and friends. Indonesia and the world were mourning. But ironically, when we sat together at the teras on a beautiful afternoon having a nice chit-chat with Kopi Ulee Kareng, they finally came out with... jokes. One joke that I always remember is from Rufriadi (an old friend who just suddenly passed away.. a great man with great integrity and commitment for the development in Aceh). He made a joke about "kapten tsunami" who took away his house. And other jokes. Some people may think it is not appropriate that you make a joke out of such situation, but I guess that's how we survived. We live in a world full of shits, downcasts, dissapoinments, dissasters, never ending conflicts, political unrests, bla bla bla and making jokes.. humour.. no matter how satire it is, keep our sanity... that life is still worth to fight for.

If you read javaneese philosophy, happines and sadness are only a cyclical pattern in life. Whether you are hot and sexy or sweet and adorable like me (I wish! :P), strange and unique, etc etc, you always have this cyclical pattern. You shouldn't divide the happiness and the sadness. At the end of sadness one will find happiness. One should always be grateful for whatever blessings one has. And sometimes one tastes both the hapiness and the sadness at the same time. That what makes life as the greatest gift.

And when I look at all those stupid silly shit things in life, yes, they're all funny. Felt like shit of course, but still...funny. One day (sometimes I even dont have to wait for days :P) I will laugh about it.

And that's the book i really want to make... a book of stupidity.

Fragile

Fragile

By Sting

If blood will flow when fresh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow’s rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay
Perhaps this final act was meant
To clinch a lifetime’s argument
That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could
For all those born beneath an angry star
Lest we forget how fragile we are

On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are

On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are
How fragile we are how fragile we are

Sorry...

It’s sad, so sad
It’s a sad, sad situation
And it’s getting more and more absurd
It’s sad, so sad
Why can’t we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
(Elton John).

Buat sebagian orang, kata maaf menjadi satu kata yg sulit untuk diucapkan, for whatever the reasons are. Entah teman, pacara atau orang tua yg enggan utk meminta maaf pada anaknya, bahkan mungkin Pemerintah. Ya, adalah sangat tidak masuk akal ketika Parlemen Belanda baru-baru lalu memutuskan untuk menolak permohonan seorang wakil negara Indonesia untuk sebuah permohonan maaf karena telah menjajah rakyat Indonesia selama beratus-ratus tahun. Atau dalam film Civil Action-nya John Travolta, sebuah perusahaan yang membuang limbahnya sembarangan dan melukai pemuda-pemudi setempat, menolak untuk sekedar: mengucap kata maaf dan memilih untuk memberikan 'uang damai' sebesar 8 juta dollar, atau sekitar 375ribu dollar (setelah dipotong biaya pengacara, biaya perkara dll) per orang untuk anak-anak mereka yang meninggal jadi korban? I mean, how do they sleep? How do they forgive themselves? Or maybe they don't feel any guilty at all.

In personal sphere, if you still have consciouness, to ask forgiveness is to forgive yourself. Untuk mengucap kata 'maaf' adalah bagian dari proses untuk memaafkan diri sendiri, yang telah melukai orang lain.

Tapi, ternyata persoalan tidak semudah itu. Pertanyaannya kemudian adalah, sampai sejauhmanakah kata maaf dianggap sudah cukup? Cukupkah kata maaf ketika perbuatan tersebut sudah mengakibatkan kerugian material maupun immaterial bagi orang lain? For some people, in some cases, maybe 'sorry' would not be enough... to compesate. Otherwise, we wouldn't have any legal action to deal with it, right? :-)

Terlebih ketika bagi sebagian orang, kata maaf menjadi satu kata yg mudah untuk diucapkan. Just say "Sorry" and the problems are solved. Case closed. But, is it?

Talk over? So, 'sorry' is become something to negotiate? Something that you have to compromise? Sesuatu untuk disepakati? But in personal sphere, it doesn't always work that way. Kadang-kadang, kita terpaksa harus 'ikhlas' menerima kata maaf, bahkan ketika perbuatan yang dihasilkan sudah menimbulkan kerugian... immaterial maupun material. Dan maaf, menjadi sebuah kata yg sulit dan penuh dilema :-) Yeah, sorry...

New Year's Eve, on the day that My Skirt got BURNT

31 December 2005. It's new years' eve. Busy busy busy. First, i have to move to the other side of Dorus. Sharing a family room with Endah, my future room mate. It's bigger, closer to Ita and of course, cheaper (what else?). After struggling with my essay (not to mention that i was sick at that time. My jaws hurt and the doctor only gave me some pain killer.. ouch... typical ducth doctor!), i finally moved in to my new room. Got a new couch from Zaka, new large light brown carpets from Avi and a lovely small purple cabinet also from Avi... uhm, how nice. Then, i went to new years party with Ita and Sanjay in Scheveningen, to witness how this crazy Ducth celebrate the new years eve.

We also have some Phillipino friends, Agnes, Cates, Rommel and Jason with their two bowls of sour chicken. Yummy. I didn't cook (wow...tumben) We lit some fireworks in the garden. That was beautiful. We went to the beach together, took some pictures, and enjoy the fireworks.

Then, it turned to a battle field. Firecracker battlefield. Some crazy people just threw small  firecracker to other people. We were taking pictures together when a small firecracker landed on my skirt. I instanly jumped, of course. It finally get off (but i didn't know it already get off, so i was still jumping around :P), but it burnt my skirt. Not just my skirt, it went to my long john and finally, my skin! Damn. It is my favourite skirt, you bastard. Ups, sorry for my languange..:-) Then i have to clean up my skin and give some betadine. The worst thing is, i didn't know who the bastard was..:-(

But the next morning was okay. We witnessed the dutch tradition of taking off their clothes as minimum as they can and do this mid-day swimming at the beach. I can't believe it. I mean, swimming in those brown sands, brown water (as compare to those white sand and blue water in Lombok :-P) hahaha. Anyway, i got new friends. A cute light brown teddy bear (i haven't named him, yet). A charity, for kids with cancer. I put him on the couch, next to that light blue teddy bear and my beloved porky :-)

28 years!

Monday, 24 October 2005. Yeah i know it's too late to write about my birthday but who cares :-).

Thas was my first time of having birthday so far away from my beloved family. I slept at 5 in the morning (thanks to andi and his story, hehe but i guess he really needed someone to talk to, so it was worth to listen anyway) and woke up at 9 o'clock in the morning (how amazing!). Then i spent all day.... cooking :-) with endah and adrian. The entire kitchen were occupied by the two of us. But i really enjoyed it. Because i made some experiments and my guest would be my kelinci percobaan to tell me how it was, hehehe...

The party? of course the party were great..! What do you expect ?  The food were great. Dina, avi, mas wira and others bring a delicious gado-gado. A lot of people came to my party. Even those whom i rarely knew..:-) They just came and introduced themselves and well, it's so nice to meet new friends anyway.

Some said it was the great religious meeting, simply because we had moslems, christiants and jews altogether in the same room. Looks like we could see the world peace happening in such a small room :-) And actually, their presences made my room a little bit warmer, don't you think? So basically, it was the great birthday party after all. Especially.. the presents. I just loveeeee the presents. They were the things that i really..really... wanted. Ita gave me a...porky!!! yippiiee! Endah gave me a nice blue sparkling slipper and another little porky (hehe..), dina gave me the laundry bag and bath room brush (which happened to be the 2 things i needed most at that time), kay gave me a box of chocolate (so i finally could eat chocolate despite my mother's warning not to eat too much chocolate and cheese here :P) and phaedra gave me a pair of wonderful bowls (it exactly the kind of bowl that i've been looking at that kado op de hook, hihihi...). So alhamdulillah, it was really a great party.

Jauh di mata dekat di hati

20 October 2005. Ada pepatah yg mengatakan, jauh di mata, dekat di hati. Setelah jauh makin kerasa betapa seseorang itu sangat berarti...hu..hu..hu.. Pagi ini dimulai dengan bazz bizz buzz teman2 yg tidak tau malu meski sudah dipasang tanda status forbidden lengkap dengan kata-kata "tugassss..." utk memperjelas makna si tanda palang putih tadi. It's funny how people could easily stimulated by your personal status in YM or by that forbidden sign. The more you ignore me, the closer i get (Morrisey). Hehehe.

But then, when i really listened to them, it made me realize how much they miss me! How this miss-ing thing starts from a very small thing that you usually do. Even your "natural behaviour" or even if you do nothing that important for them. Well, at least it looked like i didn't do nothing but accompany them to some places, or listening to their many kind of stories or helping them in times they needed so much... in short, by just.. being there for them. Small things, i guess.

And being missed by other people brings warmth in your heart. That you really meant for other people, for your friends. I never valued myself in the sense that i'm really "that important" to other people, hahaha. But on the other hand, i'm kind of feeling guilty for not being there. I'm sorry prendz. But at least, i'm not leaving you all permanently... thanks to YM :-)

Warm Regards,
Herni

Bicycle crash!

24 September 2005. Hari baik dan hari naas. Sebulan sebelum ulang tahun. Pertama kalinya berhasil menaklukan bahan makanan disini dan mengolahnya menjadi masakan yang enak. Pertama, sayuran di Belanda keras-keras. Setelah melalui berbagai macam eksperimen, hasilnya adalah cara terbaik memasak sayuran adalah dengan menjadikannya cap cay kuah. Modal bawang putih, bawang merah atau bombay dan kecap asin serta garam sedikit lalu diberi air. Sayuran pun menjadi hijau segar dan empuk. Kedua, margarin disini tidak bisa digunakan untuk masak. I miss blue band, simas, and meadow lea. But i finally manage to make nasi uduk and nasi kuning with tasty indonesian fried chicken. Yummy!

It's so funny that there are many ways to cook nasi uduk and nasi kuning. And i choose the simpliest one of course :) The first experiment was successful. I invite everyone to come. They like it! And well, at least they didn't get poisoned after eating it.

Then we went to open market. An old batch gave us a bicycle and i decided i want to try it. But Dina said we'd better to switch our bike because her bike is better than one i was using. And we got stucked in traffic light while dina and chrysant (the only two person who've been to the open market before) were way ahead us. Suddenly, i decided to speeded up after the light turned into green. At some point, i wanted to checked whether they turned left or not but without slowing down my bike. Crash! I hit a car. In a second, I managed to gain my balance again but Kristian hit me from the back and I fell successfully!

In a second i stood up. Feel a pain in my thigh but so far i can handle it. But when i looked at that bike, oh no! Ringsek. The front tire, well, it wasn't round anymore. It looked like... kerupuk :-)

Luckily (well, you still have to see the bright sight out of everything right?), it was in front of a bicycle store! So we just took it there. It cost us 58 euro (dina bought a brand new spadboard). We splited 50-50 (thank God).

My first biking in the Netherlands turned out to be a disaster..:-)